Miserable, but getting into Heaven! 🎤 Cristela Alonzo: Upper Classy is now playing!
What iPhone are you? @cristela9 See Cristela tonight at 7pm in The Main Room with @carolinerhea4real @dustin_ybarra @taylorcomedy @jonathankite more! Get tickets at hollywoodimprov.com #hollywoodimprov #comedy
Comedian Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) shares the important lesson she learned about hard work and joy from her mom’s passing
just one more internet stalk before bed. Cristela Alonzo: Upper Classy premieres September 23!
I’ve been in touch with the Huerta Family. I love them all and of course, if you’ve followed me for a while, you know how much I love Dolores. There is so much more to say but right now it is most important that we give space to people like Dolores, survivors that are brave enough to come forward, whether it be their own choice or through circumstances out of their control. Knowing Dolores, I can confidently say this. She is a strong woman that has endured a lot and through all of this, the work still remains her top priority because that is who she is. To all the survivors that came forward, you are so brave for having done so. We have seen, even in 2026, that even when survivors come forward, it is not the end but rather an evolution into having to survive what comes next after they do. Love to all and never forget: Si se puede. ❤️✊🏽
I’ve been in touch with the Huerta Family. I love them all and of course, if you’ve followed me for a while, you know how much I love Dolores. There is so much more to say but right now it is most important that we give space to people like Dolores, survivors that are brave enough to come forward, whether it be their own choice or through circumstances out of their control. Knowing Dolores, I can confidently say this. She is a strong woman that has endured a lot and through all of this, the work still remains her top priority because that is who she is. To all the survivors that came forward, you are so brave for having done so. We have seen, even in 2026, that even when survivors come forward, it is not the end but rather an evolution into having to survive what comes next after they do. Love to all and never forget: Si se puede. ❤️✊🏽
I’ve been in touch with the Huerta Family. I love them all and of course, if you’ve followed me for a while, you know how much I love Dolores. There is so much more to say but right now it is most important that we give space to people like Dolores, survivors that are brave enough to come forward, whether it be their own choice or through circumstances out of their control. Knowing Dolores, I can confidently say this. She is a strong woman that has endured a lot and through all of this, the work still remains her top priority because that is who she is. To all the survivors that came forward, you are so brave for having done so. We have seen, even in 2026, that even when survivors come forward, it is not the end but rather an evolution into having to survive what comes next after they do. Love to all and never forget: Si se puede. ❤️✊🏽
I’ve been in touch with the Huerta Family. I love them all and of course, if you’ve followed me for a while, you know how much I love Dolores. There is so much more to say but right now it is most important that we give space to people like Dolores, survivors that are brave enough to come forward, whether it be their own choice or through circumstances out of their control. Knowing Dolores, I can confidently say this. She is a strong woman that has endured a lot and through all of this, the work still remains her top priority because that is who she is. To all the survivors that came forward, you are so brave for having done so. We have seen, even in 2026, that even when survivors come forward, it is not the end but rather an evolution into having to survive what comes next after they do. Love to all and never forget: Si se puede. ❤️✊🏽
Today is the anniversary of my mom’s death. Her name was Natalia. I forgot I had a nail appointment and went…then saw the name of the nail technician that did my manicure and decided to take this pic because what are the chances? ❤️
TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY! #UpperClassy will be available worldwide on @netflixisajoke ! Don’t be jealous I have the kind of money where I can go down EVERY aisle at the dollar store! TOMORROW…I’ll be posting a preview of the special….FINALLY! POR FIN! Set a reminder for September 23 if you haven’t already. 😘 Hair: @craiggangi Makeup: @brettglam Jumpsuit: @nadinemerabi
THIS WEEKEND COMING UP: OXNARD, CA! Coming to do FOUR shows at @levityoxnard on April 11-13. It’ll be a while before I come back. I’ll be shooting my next special in June in Dallas, TX and then I have to take a break to start writing a whole new hour. Come get a preview of the special I’ve been working on it for years! Tickets available at my website (cristelaalonzo.com) or at the club page (tagged in post!).
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME BASED ON SOMETHING LIKE BEING CHUBBY OR HAVING A BIG NOSE OR BEING UGLY? WERE YOU A KID THAT HAD TO LEARN HOW TO SLEEP NEXT TO A MARIACHI BAND PLAYING AT FULL VOLUME AT A PARTY? THEN YOU MIGHT BE ENTITLED TO COMPENSATION! Here at the Comedy Offices of Cristela Alonzo, we fight for YOU! Currently traveling across the country doing consultation comedy shows as part of my Midlife Mixtape Tour. Tickets available at my website: cristelaalonzo.com La justicia from your Tia Cristela that never married and DOESN’T judge your lifestyle.
Drove to Oxnard from Santa Monica today on the PCH. The water looked gorgeous. The weather was warm. I love living in California. The world can be so beautiful. You find pockets of beauty and realize that nature doesn’t think about its imperfections. It just exists. I am very lucky to be able to do a drive like this today. I know that. Hope you all are doing the best you can.
Shooting my THIRD Netflix special TWO MONTHS FROM TODAY in Dallas, TX! The Majestic Theater. June 14. Tickets at website. Also coming to: Atlanta, Reno, Phoenix, Denver and Brea (Brea not on sale yet). Hope to see you there!!!!
Love and sports. @cristela9 See Cristela tonight at 9:30pm in The Main Room with @stephtolev @ianbagg @craigpconant @willburkart more! Get tickets at hollywoodimprov.com #hollywoodimprov #comedy
You might be entitled to compensation…or at least of feeling like you’re right and they’re wrong.
2026 TOUR DATES! Tickets available at my website or venue website.
It’s all about peace and love…I KNOW YOU JUST DIDN’T DO THAT!
DOWNEY – SECOND SHOW ON SALE NOW! And get this…it’s an early show for my fellow early birds. Come to the show, go to bed early! Haha. Tickets available at my website: cristelaalonzo.com
Some of you asked about this. It’s happening. Will post when tickets are available. Thank you!
ATLANTA THIS WEEKEND! APRIL 18-19! Okay, so technically it’s Alpharetta, GA but I’m still local to Atlanta! LOL. Coming to do FOUR shows @heliumcomedyatl! Tickets are available at my website (cristelaalonzo.com) or at the Helium page/site! Hope to see you there. Looking to check out some cool outdoorsy things during the day while I’m there. Let me know if you know some spots!
THIS WEEKEND! Four shows in Oxnard at Levity Live. This will probably be my last time playing this club for a long time. I’ll be shooting my special in June and then I have to start all over and write a new hour so hope to see you there. Tickets available at my website (cristelaalonzo.com)
✨Don’t miss Cristela Alonzo @cristela9 at Helium Comedy Club on April 18-19✨Tickets at link in bio🎟️
OXNARD TONIGHT AND TOMORROW! One show tonight. Two tomorrow. Tickets available at my website or at levitylive.com/oxnard
