Speaking Caucasion.
Get ready for @Cristela9 to take the @ImprovRaleigh stage February 1-3!
#jokes #comedy #standup #improvcomedyclubs #comedyclub #cristela #cristelaalonzo #caucasion #bilingual #trilingual #raleigh
Oh Cowboys….it’s not even halftime yet.
Let’s go Las Vegas! My first show of 2024 starts in 30 minutes. I actually did hair and makeup today. Lol. I love how I look at 45 years old. ❤️
From my 2016 @netflixisajoke special “Lower Classy.”
This joke took me years to write. I did a short version of it on Craig Ferguson back in 2011 or so….finally made it to a special in 2016. The only thing I’d have to change if I did it now was to make those damn strawberries even more expensive. Lol
The tanning joke Netflix posted where people are saying I’m a white woman in the comments comes after this joke. They do that to try to negate what I’m saying in any way they can think of.
People love to insert themselves as main character in every post they see. Yes, every joke is about you. All of them. You are so special. 🥹
In the words of my mom, “Pfft. I’ve been hated by better people than you.” 😘
#LowerClassy starring white woman, Cristela Alonzo on Netflix. 🤷🏻♀️
“What do YOU use Vicks for?”
CRISTELA is LIVE at the Improv beginning tonight!
There is still time to get your 🎟️
Follow the link in bio!
@cristela9
#comedy #raleigh #vicks #liveevents
I wasn’t raised in a family where we celebrated birthdays so I never do but thank you to those that wished me a good day. Every year I get to live, I am thankful for how far I’ve come.
I live in a place that has air conditioning, I do what I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid and honestly, so much more but I wouldn’t have imagined any of this when I was a little kid squatting in an abandoned diner with my family. ❤️
Throwback. Senior picture. Class of 1997. I was the photo editor for the yearbook and they STILL misspelled my name. And it wasn’t my first name either. 🤷🏽♀️
tanning is a double standard
🎤 Cristela Alonzo: Lower Classy premiered 7 years ago today on Netflix!
Psst. I’m working to shoot a new stand-up special at the end of 2024 and well…I figured I needed to finish the trilogy and call it “Upper Classy” (at least for now). Tickets available at my website. All cities but three are on sale and YES, I will be adding more cities (especially Texas and YES LA). This is just what I have confirmed so far. Hope to see you there! ❤️
Let me teach you Spanish!
It’s my first language and I was born and raised in San Juan, TX. My family still lives there.
Also, doing a show in McAllen later on this year. Tickets will be on sale soon.
I’m @disneyland (well @californiaadventurepark and I got to see me!!! Like looking in a mirror! #Cruztela #CruzRamirez
I just woke up as you can tell and I started thinking about how the first thing I do is grab my phone and start scrolling. It made me think: HOW DID I GET HERE? So…here’s the answer.
Do you all remember your “web history?” Lol
Just doing God’s work here by letting you know what’s up. 🧻
Giving you updates as I get them. Sometimes when I don’t post about certain cities, it’s not because I’m not coming…certain cities just take a little longer to hear back from.
And like I said….I am still working on more!
FIRST SHOW OF 2024: Cloudy day in Las Vegas today. Doing my first Vegas casino show today where Elvis used to play. The history nerd in me loves this. See you tonight @westgatevegas!
I have weird feelings about Vegas. I’m learning that I love the shows and don’t care about the party atmosphere. Hope to come back more often.
I never felt like I fit in anywhere but as I got older, I realized so many other people felt like that too. That’s when I realized, I belonged with them. ❤️
PITCH: New Fast and Furious movie where they have to find a one-of-a-kind Stanley tumbler. They have to race against all the women to find it at the right Target.
It’s like an updated Cannonball run.
Hey @steveisok, tell everybody what we’re doing.
If you’ve seen me on the road, you know Steve. We do these videos and he doesn’t know why people like them. Neither do I but I keep asking him.
On our way to Raleigh, NC. First time doing a full weekend of shows @improvraleigh starting tonight! Two shows Friday and Saturday too!
What is there to do in Raleigh??
McAllen tickets on presale NOW! Get the tickets with code: VICKS
Ticket link in bio!
RALEIGH NORTH CAROLINA! Coming to do FIVE shows Feb 1-3 @improvraleigh! Tickets available at their site or on mine: cristelaalonzo.com
Hope to see you there.
SAN FRANCISCO THIS WEEKEND! I’m doing three shows as part of @sf_sketchfest. Two are storytelling, one is stand-up. Tickets available at their website. See you Friday and Saturday!
Tickets on sale and available if you click on link in bio. Presale code: VICKS
🌵 TICKET SELL OUT ALERT
Comedian, actress and podcaster @cristela9 returns to Zanies March 14-16! You know her from ABC’s groundbreaking show Cristela, streamed her two hit Netflix specials, and listen to her host the Netflix Is A Joke Podcast. Now grab your tickets and catch her LIVE, Nashville! Calendar link in bio.
#nashville #musiccity #zanies #zaniesnashville #standup #comedy #comedyclub #jokes #cristelaalonzo
