I’m off the Struggle Bus and on the Creativity Caravan. Hopefully the latter can get me where I need to be today. #emotionalintelligence. #BeKind #StayUp
I don’t get invited to parties much cause usually I won’t go.
So I crashed this one.
You would think I would move the bags out of the way before I did it but I didn’t notice them till I was done, and I spent all my goofy on the first go round.
#peace ain’t never been still at my house. To Sit is to #worry. To invite #anxiety. To Do is to be rational just another moment longer.
#emotionalintelligence #emotions #widow #whitneyhouston
Son5 of 6 is the family historian and a man with a memory at which I marvel. He’s in 7th heaven digitizing old stuff.
I was minding my own business when Fox called and asked if I wanted to try TV.
I asked everyone how they decided to call me and no one really said. People pass the buck a lot out there. I think whoever found me didn’t want to admit it was them until they knew if I would work out.
Anyhow I had forgotten all about it. But this was probably what they saw.
Things to note:
1. My #hair was crazy, no? That one angle really highlighted my lack of scissor skills.
2. I got my black belt because I was taking son 5 of 6 for lessons. He wasn’t feeling it but I was. So me and a couple of other mothers who watched their kids started taking classes. It took years. Unfortunately, at this juncture, I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper bag with a machete.
3. The news commentator’s closing statement, which I thought was goofy and silly in the moment, came true. And to think, BigE and I thought it was hilarious at the time.
I swear I’m an accidental overachiever.
#momlife #family
Use your peripheral vision! Mine has saved me more times than I can count. Don’t just stare straight ahead at what you think you want. Look around at every stop to make sure you you don’t miss something better you didn’t know was out there.
Rule, 43 people. It makes life and its inherent messiness more enjoyable.
By the way I am not dodging accountability. I both #crocheted and painted yesterday. I did neither well but I did them for a while. Doing so made me feel like a normal person until FedEx showed up with the second solar powered generator I bought. I am into process and procedure. When I don’t feel safe I buy infrastructure.
The arrival reminded I’m not well yet (or, as is more likely the case, I was never quite well) but I have learned to generate positive results even when mildly hysterical.
Y’all have a good day. Stay on #swivel you might be surprised at what you see.
ALL PROGRESS SHOULD BE DULY NOTED
#EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE
Just because you know what I’ve done doesn’t mean I’ve only done what you know.
That is an irrelevant #Tolerism vis a vis this post, I know. But I felt the need to share that sentiment. Not sure why, but that’s what’s rolling around in my head.
I need to figure out why it’s there, though. I try not to allow unspecified #emotional realities accumulate without figuring out where they’re from so they don’t unintentionally take me somewhere I really don’t want to be.
#stay up
#bekind
People
… and when I say it I mean everything possible.
Then you work through it!
Shoutout @alldondre
I love this video for a variety of reasons:
1) Chris jumped into the deep end of his wife’s cultural pool. He gave it all he had too! You could tell he practiced but wasn’t quite comfortable. He never took his eyes off her.
2. It reminds us that embracing differences is more fun than being annoyed by them. Other people’s odd can be a source of irritation or inspiration. If it’s just different and it’s not hurting anyone, don’t let your brain’s tendency to deploy #fear chemicals when met with the unfamiliar trick you into being distressed by that which is simply unfamiliar. You know what I always say … we are all descended from the guy who ran from the lion, not the one who went over there and tried to pet it. Fear of the unknown has survival benefits. It also has great potential for causing problems because that fear can show when the new your brain sees is benign. So you get to running from or fighting with something that can’t hurt you. Next thing you know you have problems born of that bad call, trying to conquer something that couldn’t hurt you to begin with.
3) Effort and enthusiasm. There’s nothing more beautiful than that. Especially when you’re out there struggling to keep up.
4) Reminds me of the time BigE bought me an eight week couples dance class for my birthday. I always watched ballroom dancers with envy so he bought those classes AND brought his size 12 clod hopper feet to class with me each and every time. For such an outstanding athlete my man had two left feet on the dance floor.
But he did it FOR ME. He didn’t buy me something, he gifted me his time and no small measure of his dignity to make me happy.
A #highvalue man is determined by what’s in his heart, not his wallet.
#relationships #relationshipgoals
Have a great day! Your girl is out here fighting some big bad ugly stuff. If you’re praying people throw one up for me.
I intend to vanquish them. I just need to stay level and calm. Just writing that down helps me do it.
#emotionalintelligence #stayup #bekind
Can I make a suggestion?
Beware the #universilization of your own experiences.
I know that just because I’ve experienced something deeply ,intimately and over time, doesn’t mean I’m an expert on the underlying event as it occurs to others.
People are different. Cultures are different. Upbringings are all over the place.
It’s like mountain climbing. Just like you should be slow to judge others stuck on a mountain you haven’t been required to climb, you should also remember that even if you’ve already climbed a mountain someone else is on, the ascent is different for everyone depending on their size, which mountain face they chose, their physical ability, and the equipment and guides that they use.
You guys have a great day. Even if it’s a tough one, try to slip some jot in there somewhere. , went outside, with headphones and a #WhitneyHouston Playlist, and put on a show. Out of respect for the neighbors, I just lip sync and dance. My singing skills are right there with my cooking acumen. 🤣
#widow #betterthanyesterday
In most homes, this would probably not be a #fail but it certainly would be nothing to boast about.
But this is MY house. And this level of order is a #Flex here. And yes there are still pockets of disfunction that I tried to hide but, I mean, in general…
My sister said I should hire a cleaning lady. Which would make all the sense in the world. But, the best part of being home is being in it by yourself. I know i could get used to it, but the idea of paying somebody to invade one’s space ranckles a woman for whom a reclusive nature is matched only by her penchant toward penury.
I’m proud of myself. I got up at 4 a.m. had an EDIBLE dinner completed by 6, cleaned the house. Now I can work!
#momlife.
A sense of humor is invaluable.
Me: enjoying the ride.
Happy Friday!
My man Max displays a number of positive traits.
1) He stayed with it. Didn’t get frustrated. Just hung in there.
2. Then he did that thing a lot of us grown folk have yet to master. When what made sense to him at first did not work, he did something else.
3. He picked a second method that didn’t seem line it would work. But it did. This is an example of one of Duchess’ favorite bromides. “If you’ve done everything that makes sense to you and they don’t work start doing things that don’t necessarily seem as logical.
Only doing things that makes sense to you in the face of unwanted results is a reminder that we all have limited information. Sometimes there are forces at work we don’t understand. New methods may allow you to discover what those forces are.
… and not for nothing mom had it going on. She encouraged but did not rescue. She praised effort and thought.
If you teach your children to keep trying. If you allow them to become frustrated and then let them figure it out. They learn how to stay in the game when things get tough.
#momlife
Relevant #Tolerism: The more often you consider the proposition that you could be wrong the more often you’ll end up right.
I don’t mind making mistakes as long as they’re new. If I keep making the same ones, it means I didn’t learn anything and THAT is a tragedy of epic proportions.
When labels and allegiances become more important than independent thought and an understanding of nuance, you get a divide so wide everyone ends up acting in opposition to their own interests on some level.
Don’t buy your ideas in bulk. Don’t become impervious to truths that don’t sit smack dab in the middle to some group or cause with which you are aligned.
You never get to stop thinking no matter how strongly you feel.
#momlfe #emotionalintelligence
There are 20 levels of BS going on at my house. Hence the cranky tone to a cute video. I re-read it and I sound like an out of sorts educator that doesn’t understand her class.
My apologies to you and kudos to Max and mom!
Shoutout @serenamariemetz
As long as they’re not hurting anybody, I am all out of the business of asking ‘why?’ when presented with something it would never occur to me to do.
First, you have to acknowledge that social media amplifies that kind of stuff. You can’t get big views filming mundane stuff. And that’s no diss. This thing we’re doing here can be fun if used correctly.
Second, I do a lot of weird stuff in the Personal Matrix of my home. Oddball gets a lot of play at my house.
#Othering is very human nature. Your brain’s always scanning for potential threats and anything you’re unfamiliar with qualifies. Sends you a “this ain’t something we’re comfortable with” text before it really knows what’s up.
Before I ask others ‘why’ I do the following: A) ask myself if I am truly inquiring or silently judging? B) revisit my own odd to remind myself of my place in this world. It would be reasonable to wonder why a 64 year old woman would build doll houses. Not well. Just to throw them out when I’m done.
I took a bat to the last three story Victorian I put together. That happened early 2023 which makes it not weird at all.
I have no clue what I came here to say.
This #Tolerism isn’t even relevant but I just felt like it:
#courtesy is the grease that eases social interaction. Lots of friction out there, people, let’s … (lol my first thought was to say lubricate, and though denotatively correct, it had connotative issues)
How about this? #BeKind and enjoy your day!
p.s. got to love his support system. First she worried then she celebrated!
#DivorceCourt routinely uploads old videos on YouTube from past seasons. The uploaded one of my favorites, yesterday. Conswella v. Loren #Errorhoarder #relationships #relationshipgoals. #marriage. A whole lot of oldies but goodies on there.
I’m going to confess to a few moments of judgment. I saw this and I was like … what in the world?
But then I thought, who am I?
I am A judge.
But I’m not Her judge.
And I am most certainly not THE judge.
None of us are.
Once I stopped judging I just enjoyed.
My Mother’s Rules #43
I wish you piles of #peace and hampers full of happy. Alliterative metaphor compliments of the fact that I did a lot of laundry yesterday.
BigE used to do the laundry. 30 years.
I mean go figure: Turn a couple of a man’s favorite shirts pink and he never trusts you again.
Happy Sunday. #bekind #stayup
Dude in the red shirt had him hemmed up. Apparently, they could see which way the sportsmanship wind was blowing.
… but he found a way.
I’m not going to say anything about anybody’s parents or upbringing.
It’s a moment in time … and I found it funny.
Just saying. Be slow to judge. Everybody got a boatload of nonsense they’re trying to get through.
For instance, If someone had seen me at 5:46 yesterday evening they would have branded me a whole entire lunatic, and not the half in the bag lunatic status I claim.
I was on one.
But there is no way in the world any who saw me could have known the unique fashion in which my 64 year old knees, a battle over medical records, an ailing family member, and cream sauce (I mean, really, who forgets they’re lactose intolerant?😔) combined to create some of crunch in my countenance … a daub of disquiet in my demeanor … some salt in my spirit.
(And, yes, I know I have a ludicrously juvenile love of alliteration.)
Having realized I was at less than my best, I did a half hour inclined brisk walk on the treadmill this morning. And yes, my knees hurt but I wrapped them up and kept it moving. I’d rather my knees hurt than my mood.Endorphins get me right.
Now I am fit for public consumption!
Being out of sorts is not a license to light up other people. Even if you had a lot of things beyond your control pushing you past your limits, you still have to act like you have some sense when dealing with people who had nothing to do with getting you there.
My situation explains why I wasn’t my best self but I still have to own the fact that that was the case.
Since I’m moody, I have a carefully curated assortment of apologies at the ready. Every year I add more, but have to use them less. Using them is good practice. Not having to do so, however, is growth.
One elevates by degrees.
My attempts at elevation notwithstanding little dude throwing up that finger is still hilarious to me. And I’m not altogether sure I want to get to a place where that isn’t funny. #Humorlessness will have you pointing, judging and in a perpetual position of derision. Who needs that?
Have a great day! I intend to.
Yet again the right #music is everything! Shoutout @goodnews_movement
When people ask me how I’m doing I often say ‘I’m hanging’ Of course, I mean ‘I’m hanging in there’… but as humans are prone to do, I abbreviated.
But some days ‘I’m hanging’ means just that. When you’re not where you want to be and you’re just kinda stuck there. Things ain’t getting worse, but then again, they aren’t getting any better. Just hanging.
At any given point on any given day we can all get hung up. On a failure, a fear, a memory, a hurt an insult … you name it.
Here’s the thing. You have to realize you’re there. Unlike girlfriend here who clearly understood the nature of her problem, #feelings aren’t always that honest. They’ll have you believing you are limited and liquid. You know, liquid takes the shape of what you put it in. Circumstances can have you thinking all there is is that pitcher of pain you happen to be in. #Stuck
In such circumstances one ought turn up the heat, so you can graduate to a gas and escape into a tomorrow in which you are difficult to restrain.
Big talk from a short chick who plans to spend her day #crocheting.
But that’s my #flex for the day. I’m going to trip out both my children and the universe by being #chill all day. I get hung up on getting things done. As soon as I finish one project I start 7 more, then I get annoyed at my lack of progress… ah, nope not going there. You get the picture.
All chill all day. I’m calling it.
I’ll let you know tomorrow just how long I last.
Enjoy your day. Turn the heat up! Or down depending on what’s happening over there where you are.
I wish you all the kind of day that you can smile about tomorrow.
#emotionalintelligence
Even while focused on YOUR look don’t forget TO look where you’re headed.
I bet young dude in the red sees a lot of interesting things. He’s probably half way invisible to those he assists but they are fully visible to him. It’s all in how you look at it. Free show daily if you know how to ride it.
She had it planned. Some friend was on the street with the camera and she was gonna walk out removing her glasses. She got my man to start the revolving door and she was off … or well,
Despite the fact I find this funny I admit I wish I had the patience and the fashion sense to put together a polished photo.
I know I could do it if I took the time but I lose interest too fast. And I’m not a huge fan of shopping … although Amazon has teased out a loop hole in that. I thought for decades I didn’t like shopping. Apparently I’m fine with it. It’s leaving the house unnecessarily that was the problem.
I’ve got Salinger level reclusive tendencies. Ain’t no joke. And let’s not talk @ubereats and Instacart? I don’t have to leave the crib. I’m gonna need a whole new kind of therapy soon.
I do not know how I ended up dragging you all way from a funny #fail to a romp in the weeds of my reclusive nature yet, here we are.
#bekind #stayup
Relevant #Tolerism: Every once in a while take a breadth and ask yourself are you still doing your Thang or is your Thang now doing you?
#emotionalintelligence
This is from 2001, Power of Attorney was the first TV show I was on.
This young lady had a #wedding dress issue. And I know I am a quart low on estrogen and fail to appreciate the value in a beautiful ceremony, but I’m just saying, you gotta look past the party.
On an entirely different note, did you see the youthful bounce in my step. This was almost a quarter of a century ago! My knees still felt good!
Relevant #Tolerism: Unhappy is a loud and yappy mutt while Content is a quiet canine. Don’t just feed the dog that’s barking since it’s the one you don’t want to grow.
Happy Sunday!
This is now a thing on tik tok. I don’t get it.
Lol. Happy sunday.
I love myself some @ceelogreen
Shoutout @voceux.voceux
When I was doing Tae Kwon Do I remember Master Kim (who was not tall or big) telling me no matter the size of the person causing your problem if you train you always have a chance, but that chance will disappear if you don’t believe in it.
Then I proceeded to get pummeled by the biggest woman I had ever seen.
Afterwards he told me I fought her fight instead of my own. I had speed and flexibility on my side by I was too scared to get close enough so it would do me some good.
I have felt outmatched a lot this year. Grief is a Rottweiler of an #emotion. Large, tenacious, domineering.
Then there’s Fear, that bad boy is the Presa Canario of feelings.
Anyway I fought them straight up for a while, but now I’m more strategic.
Zora, my German Shepherd is helping. She’s a wonderful teacher. She gets alarmed by something once but after that she just settles. I don’t settle naturally. I startle and then start running. Half the time I don’t know what I’m running from. So I am training to do as does Zora. Settle.
There is a whole pack of dogs I can’t tell you about circling the crib. … and not one of them is a poodle.
But they don’t know, I’m calling on my inner #dachshund. I mean have you ever met one of those dogs that actually believes how small it is?
The lesson? If you haven’t got what you need use what you’ve got in a way they don’t see coming.
#dogs #cats Everything has a lesson for you.
#Resilience.
I want that.
Clearly, my 64-year-old body doesn’t have the capacity to fall that far and I bounce right back. I would have been down there for a while trying to pull it together and I most certainly wouldn’t be trotting back up.
But #emotionally? I think that’s something I can work towards.
#Keepcoming was my mother’s favorite expression. And I intend to do just that.
I want to run my emotional show. Oh , I know the world will attempt to stick its funky little fingers in my day and send me tumbling down some hole. There are some situations so overwhelming, knocked down is all you can get.
But I want to make the world work for it.
Bad stuff happens. But we’ve got options. We can let it level us or we can jump up and push back. We might not be able to move it but it’s like any resistance training. Builds emotional muscle.
Don’t get me wrong a good cry can be a great flex, just pushing the pain all out in the air. Spent a lot of time of late doing that very thing.
All I’m saying is don’t get TikTok Teary over some nonsense. Don’t get McMad at McDonald’s because your order was wrong. That’s selling your peace for cheap. Exchanging your #chill for chump change.
Stay cool. Keep your peace and your pennies.
#emotional #emotionalintelligence
I wish you well this Sunday. My day will be filled with, #hair treatments, a new recipe, yarn and acrylic paint.
#joytrolling
I feel her pain. I am the queen of the startle response. I holler all the time!
BigE and I could be home together all day and if he walked into a room while I was concentrating, I’d startle. He used to say, “but you know I was home” or, on a day in which it annoyed him a little more he’d say, “I live here.”
That lady hollering tickled the conductor though. That’s how it should be. He could have been annoyed. Conducting an orchestra is serious business. But why?
Eventually, here at the crib, BigE just learned to laugh at the state of affairs. I mean what else are you gonna do? We are all annoying in one way or another.
In fact I started keeping a running list of the annoying things I do, so when he annoyed me I could pull up one of mine, skip the feeling, and call it even.
And yes, I know, people love to show they’re Woke by getting offended by everything. The TikTok Cry Walk of the Always Annoyed is good for views. But if we’re rewarded for entertaining upset we’ll start seeing it everywhere.
Don’t get me wrong, TikTok is great for people isolated by difficulties Like Dan and his dad with dementia. It’s a sharing of community that helps all involved. I learned a lot about riding out irritating behavior from him. You can’t abandon people you love just because their struggle is a struggle for you. There will be a day that you need to offload some struggle onto someone who cares enough about you to ride it with you. And I believe you have to pay into any system you’re going to need to draw from later.
But here’s my thing, I want to be unfazed by SMALL irritations so I’m more emotionally prepared to ride out difficult circumstances with aplomb.
I don’t want to feed the wrong dog.
I’m not going to nourish a lap dog of defeat who wants me to sit on the couch and coddle it. I’m looking for Balto, Togo and a full team of huskies to pull me through the Iditarod of my sadness and get me home to Nome.
How I got from a woman hollering in a concert to the Iditarod I’m quite sure I don’t know, but this is, ladies and gentlemen, where I’ll leave you.
Have a good day.
